Lonlieness….missing Someone Who’s Never Been There

I feel so lonley in this world.

No one fully understands me or even try to get to know me.

I do Thank God that I do have some types of friends  and family

Even though they push me to the extremes

I am glad that I do know where I came from

But I still feel there is something missing…

I have wonderful people in my life that care deeply  for me

But I still fill so alone

Maybe it’s because I am missing my other “half”

The other half of my DNA structure

That’s what my mom says anayway

But there is just one thing I can’t understand

I don’t get how you miss something that wasn’t there at all

How can you miss someone you never met?

How can you miss someone that would of better liked if you were dead?

I am not an evil person

I would like to know where he is

And ask him why did he abandoned me and left my mom to raise me all byherself

I wonder do I even cross his mind

Does he even know when my birthday is or does he know he missed out of 19 years of life?

Does he even care?

Or has he tried to contact me but couldn’t?

Was something blocking his obstacle?

Does he even want to establish a sort of relationship with me?

People always ask me if I am sad or mad that he hasn’t been there.

I mean what can I say

Yes and No

Yes because he knew he had a child out in the world and he knew it would cost him way more than some 4 dollars to raise me.

The nerve of him to do that disgusts me.

But I don’t hate him because that’s my “father”

A part of me says no because the man that raised me will always be now and forever my daddy

No matter what everyone else things.

It takes more than a sperm to raise a son/daughter

I just wish he was here so he could comfort me answer some of my questions.

But its too late.

At the end of the day I still feel like I don’t belong here

I feel so empty and so lonley

Like something is missing

Other times I feel like  I want to break free and start my life anew

Right now I am so lost and confused and don’t know what I should do next

I will wait for God until he puts into my heart and mind what to do next.

 

 

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