…..

You say that I don’t understand words 

That I have a word association problem 

But yet you yell at me

You make me feel lower than dirt 

But every I try to become the bigger and better person

But its never good enough for you 

I push myself to become more stronger, harder person

I try not to let your words effect me

But that seems to never work

Your ugly words get into my head  and crawl under my skin 

Those hurtful words shouldn’t come from any mother’s mouth 

But I’m not surprised because I see where you come from 

That should at least make you change as a person but I guess you are still a work in progress.

I can understand your in a fit of anger and words come out that you may regret later

But one thing you tend to forget is that CHILDREN  remember everything that the parents say to them.

Whether you are a good parent or a bad parent, children remember 

I wish I was never born… 

Lonlieness….missing Someone Who’s Never Been There

I feel so lonley in this world.

No one fully understands me or even try to get to know me.

I do Thank God that I do have some types of friends  and family

Even though they push me to the extremes

I am glad that I do know where I came from

But I still feel there is something missing…

I have wonderful people in my life that care deeply  for me

But I still fill so alone

Maybe it’s because I am missing my other “half”

The other half of my DNA structure

That’s what my mom says anayway

But there is just one thing I can’t understand

I don’t get how you miss something that wasn’t there at all

How can you miss someone you never met?

How can you miss someone that would of better liked if you were dead?

I am not an evil person

I would like to know where he is

And ask him why did he abandoned me and left my mom to raise me all byherself

I wonder do I even cross his mind

Does he even know when my birthday is or does he know he missed out of 19 years of life?

Does he even care?

Or has he tried to contact me but couldn’t?

Was something blocking his obstacle?

Does he even want to establish a sort of relationship with me?

People always ask me if I am sad or mad that he hasn’t been there.

I mean what can I say

Yes and No

Yes because he knew he had a child out in the world and he knew it would cost him way more than some 4 dollars to raise me.

The nerve of him to do that disgusts me.

But I don’t hate him because that’s my “father”

A part of me says no because the man that raised me will always be now and forever my daddy

No matter what everyone else things.

It takes more than a sperm to raise a son/daughter

I just wish he was here so he could comfort me answer some of my questions.

But its too late.

At the end of the day I still feel like I don’t belong here

I feel so empty and so lonley

Like something is missing

Other times I feel like  I want to break free and start my life anew

Right now I am so lost and confused and don’t know what I should do next

I will wait for God until he puts into my heart and mind what to do next.

 

 

Wishes

People always say be careful  for what you wish for, before it might come true.

I have so many wishes that I want to make, but I am in no control of that….

Even though I want to be so bad.

Sometimes I just want to let go

And sometimes I want somewhere to just tell me my future

Tell me whether is going to end up in a glorified way

Or do I need to start making decisions now to save my ass a failing fututre?

Can you get in trouble for wishing for the “wrong” thing?

Can it come back and haunt you?

What is a reasonable wish?

How much is too much?

I want this fellow wish to come true but I’m scared of what might become of it

My wish might come true but not the way I want it to…. Be careful of what I wish for.

Broken Heart

You insulted me

So many times that I have a broken heart

Don’t want to be by you

Don’t want to see you

Or even breathe the same air

Sometimes I wonder if I am trying enough

Or am I doing less than I should

I try and I try

But nothing good enoguh for you

I’m trying to make up for the pain that I caused

Trying to make up all the time wasted

Trying to make up the heartache and time

I am so sorry that I am such a disrupt

I will never be good

Or be a better person

In your eyes

Never will I be………

Misjudged

You think you no me

But the way

I act

Look

And Dress

You see me walking around

Whispering behind my back

Thinking I can’t hear

I can hear everything you say

Every whisper

Every crackle

I can hear that

But the funny thing about is

Yall bitches think you know me

By the way that I look

The way that I act

You don’t know me

I see how you act

Fake lil bitch

I see all that and more

So before you start saying shit about me

Take  a good look at yourself and do yourself a favir

SHUT UP!

I miss you

I haven’t been the same ever since you left.

You left me all alone

Moved to another part of the world

I miss the crazy times that we used to have

I hate how I can’t see you

Or talk to you anymire

But one day I will see you again

And we can have the good times all over again.

Dumb Fool

Dumb

Dumb

Dumb Fool

What the hell is wrong with you?

You think you’re slick

You think you’re funny

But you’re the only one that’s laughing

And you know something

I think I have met

One of the most dumbest

People in the World

And I am so sorry

That I ever spent so much time on you

But I guess my momma was right

About hanging around

A fool like you

You think I’m dumb

That I don’t know your tricks

All the moves you make

I have know you for 6 years

You still think that I don’t know you

Your tricks couldn’t pass me

But once again, I gave you the benefit of the doubt

And I played the fool for you

But now I learn

And Now I see

That I will never play fool again

And there will never be you and me

 

Stress, Stress, Stress

Different thoughts fill my mind

As I look at the world around ,me

The world of never ending duties

Feelings of worry and frustration

Feel my mind

When I think of things

That need to be done

How will I get these done?

When will these things be done ?

The question will always be unanswered

But I know

With the Help of God

He will make a way

Out of no way

I know I can do this

I know he will make a way

Just be Patient, Alicia

 

The sinner

I am so grateful

Grateful to be alive

Grateful to be free

With my family and friends

To enjoy another chance at life

But, I have to ask myself

Time and Time Again

Why am I here?

After all the things that I have done wrong

That I know I have to pay for

But how much can I say that I am ever so thankful

For you giving me another chance.

Time after Time

But with your Grace

I will become

Better

Stronger

Fiercer

Than ever before

And more Righteous

In your sight

This is the Prayer that I pray dailyAmen, Thank You Jesus